It's the End of the World

Today was a day.

Up at 5:45am, wake up for work.  Go back to sleep.

Up at 7am, wake kids for school.  Get dressed.  Make 2 lunches, get drinks for breakfast and some sort of breakfast snack for kids.  Let dog out, in, give water and biscuit.

Drink a cup of coffee.  Bring kids to school.  Come back home.  Get Hammer settled for the am.  Straighten bathroom.  Check email.  Drink coffee.

Dad is off for the day, let dad feed dog, go to breakfast at a favorite diner. Go to Linens and Things, return 4 curtain rods for mom.  Get mom credit on back ordered curtains that didn't go through.  Shop.  Get 4 right sized curtain rods, 2 sheers for my living room to add to the two I had already.  Grab a few odds and ends. 

Go to Borders.  Browse.  Get Hammer and myself a book, via gift card.

Go back home.  Drop Hammer off to tackle history lesson via computer.  Back out with dad, to price compare kitchen appliances.  Go to 2 different stores.  Browse, get prices.  Go back home.

Make lunch, fold load of laundry.  Email back and forth with Hubby a bit about some home issues.  Eat lunch.  Preview a spanish program for Hammer to use.  Watch Hammer try it out for a bit. 

Fuzzy and Pumpkin arrive.  Chat about each of their days.  Help Pumpkin with homework.  Review homework.  Bring Hammer to Orthodontist.  Pumpkin and Fuzzy came for 'fun'.  Meanwhile, dad picked up Hubby, so I didn't have to or he didn't have to walk a 1/2 mile.  Drive home.

Check snail mail, read, talk to Hubby.  Eat dinner that dad cooked.  Type and print out Boy Scout flyer for an upcoming trip to see an airshow.   Hubby makes changes.  Reprint.  Head to Staples for Hubby to make color copies (I added a color WWI plane picture).  Pumpkin and Fuzzy are in tow, get Pumpkin a new binder to help her better organize, this takes 30 minutes of browsing and decision making.  Return home.

Change into pj's.  Sit down in a comfy chair for the first time all day.

During the last half of day, from after school on, I negotiated fights and listened to much whining about what my kids wanted, needed, didn't get, wished they had, or what any particular one thought should be done differently.  I was told I was a 'lame' parent.  And, I didn't understand.

Shortly after sitting down in my comfy chair, upon hearing yet ANOTHER complaint, and having yet ANOTHER curve ball thrown at me of some sort, I lost it and started to cry. 

I didn't stop for about an hour, on and off. 

Hammer apologized, confused.

Pumpkin apologized, and wanted to discuss some issues, and tried very hard to make me not upset.

Fuzzy apologized, knowing he hurt me, too, but didn't want to talk.

Hubby - well, I was hoping for an apology, and I may get one, but basically he just let me run out of tears, let the 1/2 of vicodin start to work on my sore EVERYTHING, and waited as I got into the Big Brother finale that I had been waiting to watch.  Then, we watched some other tv, and he fell asleep.

I am overtired.  I am going to go to bed now, probably the first 'real' thing I will do for myself today.

I am frustrated.  I am angry.  I am sad.  I want everyone to be happy.  I do my best to do that in the ways that I can help to achieve it.   Things have not been easy lately.  There have been some financial issues/surprises and snafus.  This year has been horrible healthwise for me and for Hubby. 

Everytime I think the 'bad' stuff is over - bam, something else, some unpleasant surprise (ie; Uncle Larry's passing, money crap), seems to pop up. 

The hardest part is that 'I' cannot control any of it.  As a stay at home mom, my focus is here.  And, yet, even that seems to be a mess at the moment, and I am a loss.

I just hope that tears I am shedding now, will be the last for a while, and tomorrow, will be a new, better, happier day.

be well,
Dawn

Tags: frustrations, busy, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, pain, brain tumor, health, money, kids, whining