Blue Christmas

I relate kitty...

You remember my brain tumor diagnosis, right?  If not... check it out here: Doctor Doctor!   

Finally, the MRI machine is fixed, and I am going to have it done on Friday, with sedation.  (the repeat one I need to measure the tumor growth)

Since I need the anesthesia, even though it is a light anesthesia (versed, for those in the know), I have to have my internist do a physical, EKG, etc.  Thankfully, I had that scheduled for tomorrow at 10am anyhow, so it all works out. 

I also go back to the MS specialist on the 17th. 

Not to mention the eye doctor, for further tests on the 18th. 

And, I have to schedule with Uber Brain Surgeon for January... but I am getting off the point of what I wanted to say.

Here's the rub.  The tumor is there, yeah, I know it, and you know it, fine.  AND, the assumption is that everything is fine.  It is being a good little slow growing epidermoid or chordoma, just eeking along at a snails pace.  Right? 

But, what if it isn't?  What if I find out a few days after this MRI, and therefore a few days before Christmas, that it is growing faster than expected?  Or it has changed in a negative way? 

That would really suck. 

So, right now, I am totally second guessing the fact that I am doing all of this now, in the middle of December, at my favorite time of year. 

And, here is the rest of the dilly.  Remember me asking for prayers???

Well, remember my mom having the kidney stones?  She did pass the one that was causing her pain, however, there are 3 more, and one is big, 5 cms.  The urologist is afraid of her kidney shutting down.

So, on the 18th, my mom is having the ultrasonic blasty thing to break up the stones, while under anesthesia.  Ack.

And, they also found a spot on her liver (which was the thing I was really freaking about), so she had an MRI to check that out on last Wednesday.  Her doc is supposed to call with results tomorrow.  He better, I can't wait any longer.  I mean, this is my mom.  I need my mom.  Enough said... I get too choked up if I go down this road... you know?

Prayers and good thoughts for it not to be anything more than a blood clot would be great!  I am sure you can all guess what we do not want to hear.  Thank you... in advance... you all rock.

So, yeah.  I am having some second thoughts... or maybe, 'panicky' thoughts - but I will just push on through.  I will.

AND, I am thinking positive because, well, it's the only way I know how do things! 

Good things have been happening, too!  As you read in my other entries, we are busy with the season and really enjoying it.

Also, I have been really fortunate that my overall soreness level has decreased in my joints!  Yay!  Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis seem to know I have enough to deal with right now, so they need to just shut the heck up!  LOL  The fatigue is there, but anytime the pain is less, it is better, too. 

I can last longer, go farther, do more, yada yada... LOL 

You know... I don't know  if this entry has really made much sense.  I think I  have just rambled and babbled a bit in a circle.  I hope you can make some sense of it!

Just knowing you are all out there... helps.

be well,
Dawn

UPDATE:  If I haven't been to your blog lately... I will try to get there soon... so busy!

Tags: brain tumor, mri, anesthesia, kidney stones, worry, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, christmas, family, love