Open Arms

My friend Helen sent this to me today in an email, and it reminded me of a very funny story.

There used to be this wonderful place called Green Acres Farm about 40 minutes from here (now out of business, condos instead).  It was a family run little treasure that had every farm animal you could imagine, and ran demos such as cow and goat milking, and even let you try it, hands on.

Every spring was magical there!  Baby time!!!  Baby animals of every sort!  The entire place was made up of small pens that you went into and got hands on with the animals.  You could feed them and pet them all that you wanted!

We decided to go, Hubby, myself, and Kathy, with the three kids.  Hammer was aged 5 1/2, Fuzzy, just turned 3, and Pumpkin was in the stroller, and was just over 1 year old. 

We were having a wonderful day, and headed into the pig pen.  Literally!  There was easily a 400 lb sow, and about 20 baby piglets running around this pen! 

The piglets looked just like Wilbur, in Charlotte's Web, or Babe, from the movie.  Truly, they could not have been cuter!!!  Even pinker and smaller than that cute little piglet above!

I stayed outside the pen as it was too muddy, and maneuvering the stroller around it would be too difficult.  Pumpkin was also afraid of the animals up close.  She was happy to wave at them from afar, and giggled while watching her brothers.

Kathy and Hubby went into the pen, each with their own assignment.  Kathy to keep an eye on Hammer, and Hubby to keep an eye on Fuzzy.

I was talking to Pumpkin and pointing to piglets through the chicken wire, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I stood up, and the mom who was standing next to me with her stroller asked, 'Is that your son?'

And, my eyes followed her point to Fuzzy, who was seemingly petting the sow and smiling...

    ...and that is when I saw it.

Fuzzy's little chubby toddler arm was up to the shoulder in the sow's large behind.

Yes, my toddler had gone all porcine proctologist on that pig.

(ps... for those worried about the pig, don't... she never stopped eating or seemed to notice!)

I screamed to Hubby, who couldn't tell from his angle facing the sow, exactly where Fuzzy's arm was located.  Hubby had the typical look, you know the one, the 'oh what is the over-reacting mommy freaking about now' look, until he got there, and saw the location of Fuzzy's arm!

Hubby grabbed Fuzzy up, mumbled 'Sh*t!' (precisely), under his breath, and ran to the men's room, while having Fuzzy lifted up in his left arm, and all the while holding Fuzzy's right arm out and away from his body so it would not contaminate any other part of him!

Kathy came running over with Hammer, and she actually did catch a glimpse of the 'horror', just as Hubby did, too.  I asked her to run to the men's room with some Purell I had in my diaper bag, to further help with the disinfection!

Luckily, we were able to clean and disinfect Fuzzy's arm, and get on with enjoying that day.  Fuzzy had no clue, and our horror, although intense, apparently was well hid, and he didn't develop any fear of pigs or other farm animals!

However, that day, and for many years since, the story of the 'Porcine Proctologist' has brought us a lot of laughs!

In fact, at least once a year, the retelling of the story reduces me, and many of us, to tears of hysterics!

I hope you got a chuckle or two, also!

be well,
Dawn

Tags: pig, sow, piglet, proctology, ewww, blogplugs