Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Through the Fire and Flames...

There are a few reasons I haven't posted much... this is one of them.  No one wants to listen to this all the time, I know I don't...

I am just so frustrated with this stupid disease (s). 

Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus.

I have this amazing group of people that I email loop with and some of them have been dealing with these diseases, one or both for more than 20 years...  I can't believe they haven't lost their minds after so long... some days I feel like I will. 

The whole low pressure/rain/storm thing combined with the stress of the beginning of school (I guess) sent me into a flare.  I just want it to end and it won't.  I am tired, cranky and in so much pain.  I do take the vicodin... not steadily, but I take them... a half here, a half there, a whole one in the evening... etc.

I am going to see about getting duragesic patches and the voltaren patches when I go to the rheumy tomorrow.  They send the pain meds directly to the source.  If I could kill the pain in my hip, it would be great...it hurts when I sit, stand, lay... ack.

That's another thing... I am DREADING tomorrow. 

Hubby will be with me, which is great, but here is the days schedule:

Drop kids at school at 8am, head immediately into NYC for appt.  After appt head back out (pray no traffic etc) meet kids for 12:30pm dismissal.  4pm, take kids and friends to bowling.  5:30 dinner, then 7pm be back at school for back to school night until 9pm.  ACK.  Somewhere in that break before bowling... I am going to nap.  I hope. 

However, I know that will annoy Hubby.  I just can't win.  Why will it annoy him?  Because he took off the day to be with me for the docs and the kids, and he will selfishly not understand that if I don't get the nap I will fall over.  ACK.

I can't blame him, I wish I were the way I was, too.

Every year it is the same thing... every few months the same battle.  Can I keep doing this?  Yes, of course, I have to... for my kids, if not for myself, but today I am having a big ole PITY PARTY as I contemplate that this is how it has been for years now, and how it will be for the foreseeable future.

I know I have the strength in me somewhere to get thru it and get myself back into a positive frame of mind, but sometimes I am just so tired.

So, all the prayers, kind thoughts, and positive energy you can spare to be sent my way would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading...

be well,
Dawn
 

26 comments:

jeanno43 said...

You are only human.  My various illnesses get me down sometimes.  When I write my journal people do not know how often I break down and cry thinking I cannot take anymore.  But we do, because we have to.  You are a strong person and you will get through. You must try to talk to hubby and explain to him as you have explained to us.

http://journals.aol.co.uk/jeanno43/JeannettesJottings/

martygord said...

Hi Dawn,
I know you're strong and will get through all this.  As for your husband, somehow he has to understand that if his objective is to support you, then getting angry if you need to take a nap is having the reverse effect.  Am sending positive vibes your way from Sunny Southern California ...
Best,
Marty

dpoem said...

I hear ya!  

Of course, I'm going to whimper and whine on my blog, and to hell with those who don't like it.  I don't write for them, after all.  I write for me, and it's good to have an outlet.  

-Dan

wwfbison said...

Aww Sweetie - you have as many pity parties as you need to and write about it ten times a day if you want. I've been missing you!  You have alot to deal with and always handle it so well ~ you are entitled to some down time.  Sorry you are going through so much right now.  Prayers & good energy coming your way.
Lisa

deshelestraci said...

I'm so sorry, Dawn.  Gentle hug.  Don't want to hurt you!  I don't know how you do it either.  I'd lose my mind for sure.  I'm glad you posted today.  I'd nearly given up on hearing from you again.  
Traci

wfhbear said...

Sometimes the only way to get by is with a nap. Your nap time is medication not just a rest. You definately need it to recharge and cope with the pain. Good Luck. My Regards, Bill

justplainbill said...

{{{{Dawn}}}} hang in there. We are here for you. Prayers being said, Bill

sugarsweet056 said...

i feel the same way about journaling sometimes, seems i'm always posting about hurting or my family that seems to not care about me. i appear on a pity party a big part of the time. :(
good you have a group pf people to understand & you can email with. {{}}
i have tried the duragesic patches, didn't weork for me, but i hear praise from others about them.
good luck on your drs appt, hoping you get through the day without too much added pain, & he helps you.
keeping you in my prayers.
sugar

sangrialel said...

hey Dawn I am sorry that you are so down today!  My boss has rheumatoid, he suffers horribly and gets so upset when is unable to come to work due to the pain.  He is also a diabetic so one condition messes with the other making it very difficult to get him into remission.  He recently started a new therapy, he gets small doses of a chemotherapy drug. It is admistered just like chemo but in small doses.  He had his first treament in the beginning of sept. and then another one two weeks later.  He says he is feeling better than he has in a long time!  Have you ever heard of this treatment?  Linda

buckoclown said...

Hope you get your nap tomorrow.  Good luck with the whole schedule.

swmpgrly said...

You got it Dawn .

adlessor said...

Prayers coming your way.   hope you get that nap in.   God bless.      Dawn

http://journals.aol.com/adlessor/ACoupleofNomads/

mleighin21st said...

{{{Dawn}}}     It's just good to see an entry from you.  Go ahead and pity away!  I'm sending along some positive thoughts for tomorrow.  
If you need a fresh ear, e-mail me!
                                                                        Big Hugs,  Leigh

chat2missie said...

I'm glad you wrote an entry!  I think you're allowed to have a pity party!  Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
Missie

coelha said...

You have a lot on your plate.  Do you really have to go to Back To School Night?  Can't hubby go by himself?  Sigh..  You are making me feel very guilty right now Dawn.  I have no desire whatsoever to go to my son's back to school night at the high school tomorrow.  I'm sending good thoughts and prayers your way, sweetie--I have been worried about you lately.  Hugs - Julie

lv2trnscrb said...

((((Dawn)))) I'm so sorry; your schedule is impossible for one that isn't dealing with a major illness; I'm sure it has to be doubly triply hard for you; wish all didn't fall on the same day; I wish I could send you my son as a chauffer to at least help you with some of your driving around; that would give you more nap time

hugs to you!!!

betty

astoriasand said...

Dear Dawn I am so sorry you are hurting so so much.I understand how you are feeling regarding hubby.I went through this many years with severe depression.Each time Rooster  was off work i would feel guilty being asleep or not well ,but he always stood by me even so and your hubby does too,even if we think they are ratty as I call it..I hope all that horrible pain goes away for hubby's day off and you have your nap as I know how much it worked wonders  for me and still does if I am on a downer.( Shake hands I am on one too this week) but we have to carry on .I use voltarol cream for my ostio in my neck and find it helps the pain at these times.Just call me quasimodo the lump is that big LOL!! Hope this can bring a little smile to your face.Prayers for you and yours always you are a fighter and a wonderful Mom.and wife.Keep it up girl your a star.Take Care God Bless Kath astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES

ukgal36 said...

I am glad you can come here and vent...I can't even imagine what living with that pain must be like..you inspire me though to quit my bitchin..look what you have to endure...bless you..
hugs from Florida
Lyn

tish852tlc said...

Because I have some of the illnesses you have I understand totally.  Gentle Hugs.  Tish G.

klconard1 said...

(((((((((((((gentle hugs and fervent prayers dear)))))))))))  I'm so sorry you are in a flare.  I pray the Lord comforts and strengthens you and gives your hubby understanding, kind thoughts and patience.
loving you
karyl

erarein63 said...

Ah hon, I don't post much either because life just gets in the way and I figure no one wants to listen to me moan and groan when they have their own problems.  You deserve to have a pity party. People who don't have chronic illnesses have no idea what it is like to live with it/them day in and day out and the accompanying pain.  It takes a strong person and even then you deserve a break.  So whine and moan and have a pity party, you've earned it.  Sorry you feel so bad though, I do hope your flare ends VERY soon!  Love ya, De ;)

eml625 said...

I'm begining to know how you feel, since I am going through the motions of being diagnosed with arthritis in my back.
I am sending good thoughts, lots of love.
Ellen

tlgf1968 said...

TOTALLY feelin' your pain, sister - literally and figuratively.  hope you get that nap!

gazker said...

Oh how I wish I had seen this blog before writing you my mail. For me to say it will pass means F all to you. Rest assured though Dawn, there's a bunch of people out here routing for you including me dear friend.
Love yas, Gaz xxx

helmswondermom said...

My sciatic pain has been acting up for the past week or so after I went for so long with little or no pain, and for me that has been really hard.  But I can't imagine the pain you must be going through.  I'm glad the vicodin works to a certain extent.
Lori
http://lori-dustypages.blogspot.com/

countrylady4071 said...

I will keep you in my prayers.  I'm sorry you're in so much pain.  May God bless you.
Hugs,
Pat from Virginia