At the end of Sandi's rant, she queries, 'but is anything really the same since 9/11?'
At first, I thought I could read that and just go on reading other journals, but then I realized that, because, in fact, NOTHING IS THE SAME SINCE 9/11, I could not go on.
I had to come here and do this.
I wish, how I wish, everything was the same. I know, that for so many of you, not in the NYC or DC metro areas, life probably has gone back to what it was before. September 11th may just be something you think of in September, or when you see a special on TV.
Others out there, may have family or friends in the military, so 9/11 is never that far from your mind. Especially, knowing that were it not for that day, your loved one would probably not be in harms way, at least not perceived to be, because they wouldn't be in Iraq or Afghanistan. Obviously, there is danger for our soldiers whenever they are in uniform - I think you know what I am getting at.
It is hard for me to describe for those not in NY/NJ what the emptiness is like. When the Towers fell, it took a little something from inside all of us that live here in their shadow.
Tomorrow, I go to the city for my infusion. As I drive over the GW Bridge and look south, as I do each trip, the skyline is forever changed.
It looks strange, altered, and off kilter.
The impact of looking at that skyline has not lessened over the years. It is still as shocking to me each and every time as it was thefirst time, 9/12/01, when I looked at it.
The smoke is not there now.
The huge gaping hole in the skyline still is there.
I never realized the absence of something could be so 'present', so huge and alive in its emptiness.
NYC has been likened to a living breathing beast. Sadly, its tail has been cleaved off.
And, yeah, they could rebuild, but it will never be the same.
It isn't just on the days I go to NYC that I feel 9/11 and its impact, its emptiness, in my life.
Each day, my hubby goes off to work in NYC. Into the belly of the beast. The city, as a whole, is better than it ever has been. Less crime, more police, and the people themselves are more aware of their surroundings and the plight of their fellow man, than ever. All good things.
But, the worry is there.
To the terrorists, it is still a place of targets, of buildings and icons that represent the American way.
There is the UN, the Empire State, Wall Street, Central Park, Rockefeller Center, Madison Ave, Park Ave, South Street Seaport, the GW Bridge, the Brooklyn Bridge, Battery Park, etc., I could go on and on...
Targets, all. Places that my hubby will be in and around, several times a week, every week.
So, the worry is there.
Life does go on. It is changed, it is different. Each day that we, all seven of my immediate family, are back in this house at the end of the day, is a day of gratitude.
A day to be treasured.
The fragility of life, that it ends in an instant, and is spared on a trivial change of schedule, is not lost on any one of us.
Even the kids. They walk past the 9/11 Memorials made by their respective schools for the people of the town lost, specifically, a school mates dad. They know their dad is in NYC every day, where that dad never made it home from.
Tomorrow, I will go to one of those targets, the American Museum of Natural History, with my Hammer. Life cannot be stopped by these extremists, these terrorists.
I will not let them win by staying home, by not living.
But my life is forever changed.