Fuzzy came home from school on last Friday and sat down next to me at the dining room table to start his homework.
We heard a 'whap' against the window and I caught a glimpse of the bird as it hit. I jumped up and saw the beautiful little thing on the ground and the blue jay in pursuit. I got out in time to chase the blue jay away, but apparently the fight had started elsewhere, and just ended under our window, because the little bird was stunned and bleeding from underneath.
I gently picked up the injured bird and moved it to the front yard away from the stalking blue jay. The jay didn't follow, thankfully. I gently placed the bird down in the towel I had it in, but I was hesitant to investigate under its feathers; I am not familiar with bird injuries or care.
By now, Fuzzy was next to me with tears in his eyes. I asked him, 'Do you want me to call the vet to see if they will try to help him?', he nodded - yes, and I ran into the house.
The vet gave me a different vet's number that is properly licensed to care for wild animals, before this, I didn't know that there were different licenses regarding non-pet care. The wild animal vet said to bring the bird right away, and their office staff sounded very kind.
I got a box, and grabbed my dad's car keys, since my hubby was at work with my truck. Fuzzy got in the back and buckled up and I handed him the box with the bird, still partially wrapped in the towel. He gently put his hands around the bird to hold it calmly, and to keep it from trying to move and injure itself further - it was all I could think to do.
Fuzzy was still fighting those tears in his eyes, and I tried to drive as quickly and safely as I could. It was just about 15 minutes to this vet.
We were about 7 minutes into our trip, and in the middle of the highway, when the little bird had a seizure and died in Fuzzy's hands. I never heard my son so panicked, so I tried to reassure him that maybe it was not dead, just passed out, but he was truly hysterical and positive it was no longer breathing.
I got to the vet in 12 minutes, but it was too late. The bird had died. The vets office staff was very nice, and I am very glad I know about them now, they checked the bird immediately, but I already knew it was gone.
Fuzzy and I sat in the car a bit and cried together. He was very distraught and kept repeating it wasn't fair. He is right, it was not fair.
It would seem that he is cursed with my sensitivity and love for animals. I remembered the first time that I went through this with wild baby rabbits that were injured, it was awful, I can still cry about that myself today.
And, so, all night, I told him all the things we say when this happens to animals or people, that sometimes an injury is fatal, and that even if we had gotten there in time, death may have been inevitable, that this is the circle of life, and nature is not always pretty and serene, sometimes, it is the survival of the fittest, and it is ugly and hard and sad.
And, I told him that for the last minutes of that beautiful little birds life, it knew that it was safe, and cared for, and loved, and sometimes, that is all we can do, and that it is enough.
Fuzzy couldn't get to sleep, so he climbed in bed with me, and we talked and finally, he fell asleep with me rubbing his back and holding his hand.
It was a tough way to start a weekend, and it didn't end too well for him either, but more on that in the next entry....
Be well,
Dawn
15 comments:
Poor Fuzzy; but it sounds like he is compassionate and caring and that's what we want our children to have. I'm sorry it seems like the rest of the weekend was not good for him either and will follow what happens next as you write it.
betty
Oh wow...poor little guy. :( We had a similar experience two years ago with a kitten. Hugs for him hon'. ;) C. http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies
I had a similiar sad experience when a nest of duck eggs were destroyed by a neighborhood dog while the mother duck was gone. Me and the mother both cried together when we both found the eggs.
--Tom
Dear Dawn,
Awwwww..(((Fuzzy))))..ell Fuzzy taht wew all feel for him here in Jland...
love and hugs, natalie
ohh..Dawn.. I am all choked up ! My son would have been the same way. Hes very sensitive like that. I am so sorry he had to deal with that, you too , for that matter.
Ellen
touching story.....tears are welled up in my eyes as i'm reading....
what a beautiful thing you said about the end of the little bird's life...oh so true
Ohhhh...It is a very hard moment to deal with the tough subject of life an death when this occurs. We as parents try so hard to find those words that will sooth and take that pain away...What a wonderful support though, you just let him know you were there and that what he tried to do, his best, to love and be there for the bird...beautiful story Dawn, a growing moment shared.
Jodi
Compassion is a lesson often learned through pain and sadness. How fortunate Little Fuzzy is to have you to help him with the lesson.
You handled that so well. I'm sorry Fuzzy had to learn that lesson but you did an excellent job. I think that is why we have animals, so we can learn about death in a "trial run" before losing family members.
Chris
http://journals.aol.com/swibirun/Inanethoughtsandinsaneramblings
http://www.bigoven.com/~swibirun
Dawn, This is a sad, but hauntingly beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it with us. Pennie
Moving to the midwest from "the Big city" I spoke one day with a friend who grew up on a farm. He felt one advantage of rural life was the direct contact with living creatures. The inevitable result of such contact is the realization of the "2 Laws of life" all living being die, and neither doctors nor mom's can change rule #1. My son has similar sensitivities like Fuzzy. This has not been easy for a male growing up in a society whose standards of behavior for males is tough, macho, emotional withdrawl, make light of sensitivity issues. Aint saying all men act this way but them is the standards embedded in the male personna. Look at the HUGE issue same sex marriages and homosexuality became in the last election. You have given Fuzzy a gift that allows him to explore a part of humanity often shut behind our gender sterotypes. Bravo.
I like the way you explained death to your son. When I was only four years old, my aunt and baby brother were burned to death in an auto accident. I asked the priest why God allowed this to happen since I thought burning was for bad people. He told me that my brother was so beautiful that God wanted him in Heaven. Well, I didn't like God very much after that. I reasoned God had enough angels and I only had one brother. My parents only had one son.
Kids are smart. I feel your explanation was wise.
Be Well
Dianna
Fuzzy isn't "cursed" with your sensitivity! He is blessed with it! Lelly
Oh! How sad. I can't believe birds can be so mean sometimes. I had to save a dove once from some rowdy mockingbirds. I thought you handled it beautifully. Plus, now you know where to go in the future. I know what you mean by oversensitivity being a curse. I mean we all want to be sensitive, but sometimes I wish I could turn off the "floodgates".
Kathy
OH MY GOD!
What a beautiful entry!
Dawn, I just found your journal through Lurkynat and I am so glad that I have found it! Believe it or not, I also have Lupus and have been thinking of shutting down my journal lately because I have been feeling so lousy and negative. I was diagnosed with Lupus when I was 23, but I have been fortunate in that I have not suffered with it to the extent that others have. I have been having severe flairups recently, and I believe that it is all connected to my mental state and the fact that I now live in Florida. I have just read your recent entries and I am so sorry you are having an allergic reaction to the IV. I am so glad that you found the right comforting words for your son. They were beautiful and brought tears to my eyes!
MAryanne
http://journals.aol.com/globetrotter2u/Myfeelingsarereal/
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