Thursday, December 7, 2006

Dear Santa from Mom

** I have received this many times over the years in email... please feel free to copy yourself!

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season.

Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable?  It will clear my conscience immensely.  It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,
MOM.

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to
Believe!

*Santa has asked that this gets passed on to all the mommies you know*

10 comments:

tenyearnap said...

This is so cool. Would you mind if I emailed it to a friend or two?
-Cin

coelha said...

Ha ha ...  Oh this is cute..  I want a doll that says:  "Yes, Mommy!"  Julie :)  

lurkynat said...

dear Dawn
hugs and love form natalie!
How cute! my favorite is the onea bout the Tibetan monks! lol
that one is really wildly funny! lol!
love and hugs, natalie

erarein63 said...

Oh this is so cute!  I've never seen it before.  I especially like the part about finding my waist again, lol.  :0  De

eml625 said...

Adorable !!!
Thanks
Ellen

klconard1 said...

LOl, this sounds like it could be an Erma Bombeck!
loving you
karyl

rainbowmoonbeam2 said...

That is too cute!

Hugs,
Susan

sdoscher458 said...

Oh  you brought back the days of no time, young kids and Christmas mayhem. Thanks....I miss it.  Sandi

nyboots said...

too cute!
Ginger

caromarls said...

Love the Santa letter.  I sent it to all my mom friends - thanks so much for sharing.  Caroline
http://journals.aol.com/caromarls/ANewAdventure