Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Waiting

Even lolcats for Lovecraft fans... lol

The waiting is the hardest part. 

After I found out in April about the brain tumor, but knew nothing else, I basically lost the next two months until June 5th, going to the uber-surgeon specialist, and I found out exactly what it was I was dealing with.

Oh, I can remember going to Atlantic City, because that was so out of the norm for me, but not much else.  I cannot even tell you what we did for Mother's Day.  At all.  I am so glad I have this journal to go back and read.

I did play a lot of Jewel Miner, for free, on AOL Games.  Yep.  I couldn't read, because I couldn't focus.  Playing the game is mindless.  It fills the time, and you can just 'unfocus' and not think when you need to NOT THINK.

The waiting... is the hardest part.  I hate it.  I hate it.  I hate it. 

I HATE not knowing. 

I am not good at that at all.  I am an information pig.  I eat it up.  All of it.  Good, bad, as much info as I can about anything that is a threat to mine or my loved ones health.  I read medical journals, too.  Everything.  I want to know what the doctor is going to possibly say before they say it.

But, until you know... all you can do is scare yourself with things you don't need to know.

And, so... we wait.

I don't want to wait. 

I am playing a lot of Jewel Miner, again.

This isn't for me... soon I will explain.

be well,
Dawn

24 comments:

glensfork4 said...

Prayers, prayers, prayers going up for you.......

Michele

coelha said...

(((  Dawn  )))  Ease off the web medical sites for awhile--sometimes all they can add is unneeded stress--and worry to your day.  I know it must be hard to wait---sending good thoughts your way.  Hugs & more hugs - Julie

astoriasand said...

I hope the waiting isn't too long Dawn.Prayers for you being said .The saying goes "It always comes to those who wait".Meaning something good.So it will  be good news in the end.Stay postitive hope and pray and we will win this through .Take Care God Blesss Kath
astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES

tenyearnap said...

I've been through a couple "can't read" periods. Itg is horrible!! I'm glad you like games, at least. This waiting would be killing me, too. ((((DAWN))))

Hey, that is the same Chtulu puppet that The Boy has. Your lolcat finds always make me laugh. Keep spilling yourself into The Blog...I hope that helps. --Cin

pharmolo said...

Hope the waiting is over soon, Dawn

ekgillen said...

(((HUGS))) and prayers to you!
We are here waiting with you. :)
Gillie

chat2missie said...

What ever the problem is, your family is in my prayer.
Missie

sugarsweet056 said...

I agree, waiting is SO hard!
God be with you & yours, prayers going up.
Sugar

queeniemart said...

whatever it is, i pray for a positive outcome. I am the same way....i can not stand to wait. Hugs, lj

martygord said...

Hi Dawn,
Hang in there ... I'm praying and sending good vibes your way.
Best,
Marty

helmswondermom said...

I am not good at waiting, either.  I hope whatever you're waiting for has good results.
Lori

jckfrstross said...

love the cats:) have a great friday

Deb

nay0114 said...

I'm not good at the waiting game either. Hope things are okay I know you have so much on your mind.
Take care, Chrissie

tendernoggle said...

I am praying for you.....Trust in the Father until you find out, okay?
love ya,
carlene

emabecmar said...

I always hate waiting for results. I hope yours comes back with good news. (((((hugs))))))
Cindy

gehi6 said...

yes, that cat definitely has that look in her or his eye.  I am surprised he is not licking his lips.  But he is looking awfully hard.  I was telling Guido that we had a cat to do our mousing, but we got a rat in our house out in the country, and maybe the cat was scared of him, but he was so bold as to drag corn cobs up to my little sister's bed to nibble on. They were scared because they thought the rat was going to nibble on them!  I thought you would appreciate this story.  I wish I could do cartoons like this!  Gerry

toonguykc said...

I don't know where you get the strength to deal with these things.  Nothing wrong with playing online games for distraction.

Russ

randlprysock said...

Prayers!!  Sending lots of prayers!!!  
Lisa

mleighin21st said...

Im sending along some extra prayers.  Waiting can be so very tense.  Keep good thoughts, and take a few deep breaths(often).  Write when you're ready, we'll be here.  
                                            Blessings,  Leigh

gazker said...

I think I have caught up now. Dawn, you know your friend across the sea is sending the biggest hugs and kisses ever and I mean EVER.
Keep bein the wonderfull person and Mum that you are.
Hugs, Gaz xxxxxxx

donejustwrite said...

I find myself sometimes engaging in something mindless as a means of escape...  just tonight (while searching for my ever-elusive journal) I found a meme I did from your journal months ago.  One of the questions had to do w/how I was feeling and I answered to the effect of being "sad, quiet," and even tho I don't remember that particular day or what was going on @ the time, I knew instantly that I was doing the meme to escape so I could then refocus.  Yes, thank Heavens for J-land!

wwfbison said...

I cannot imagine going through what you went through and still have to deal with today.  Know that my Prayer's are with you ~ I truly hope the wait is over soon and you can breathe a nice big sigh of relief.
Hugs,
Lisa
http://journals.aol.com/wwfbison/life-on-a-bison-farm

sunnyside46 said...

love ya
Marti

cacklinrosie101 said...

Waiting is awful.  God knows whatever you are waiting for.  God will hear all of our prayers for whatever it is.  Keep the faith, Dawn....Love to you, Chris