Sunday, December 9, 2007

Blue Christmas

I relate kitty...

You remember my brain tumor diagnosis, right?  If not... check it out here: Doctor Doctor!   

Finally, the MRI machine is fixed, and I am going to have it done on Friday, with sedation.  (the repeat one I need to measure the tumor growth)

Since I need the anesthesia, even though it is a light anesthesia (versed, for those in the know), I have to have my internist do a physical, EKG, etc.  Thankfully, I had that scheduled for tomorrow at 10am anyhow, so it all works out. 

I also go back to the MS specialist on the 17th. 

Not to mention the eye doctor, for further tests on the 18th. 

And, I have to schedule with Uber Brain Surgeon for January... but I am getting off the point of what I wanted to say.

Here's the rub.  The tumor is there, yeah, I know it, and you know it, fine.  AND, the assumption is that everything is fine.  It is being a good little slow growing epidermoid or chordoma, just eeking along at a snails pace.  Right? 

But, what if it isn't?  What if I find out a few days after this MRI, and therefore a few days before Christmas, that it is growing faster than expected?  Or it has changed in a negative way? 

That would really suck. 

So, right now, I am totally second guessing the fact that I am doing all of this now, in the middle of December, at my favorite time of year. 

And, here is the rest of the dilly.  Remember me asking for prayers???

Well, remember my mom having the kidney stones?  She did pass the one that was causing her pain, however, there are 3 more, and one is big, 5 cms.  The urologist is afraid of her kidney shutting down.

So, on the 18th, my mom is having the ultrasonic blasty thing to break up the stones, while under anesthesia.  Ack.

And, they also found a spot on her liver (which was the thing I was really freaking about), so she had an MRI to check that out on last Wednesday.  Her doc is supposed to call with results tomorrow.  He better, I can't wait any longer.  I mean, this is my mom I need my mom.  Enough said... I get too choked up if I go down this road... you know?

Prayers and good thoughts for it not to be anything more than a blood clot would be great!  I am sure you can all guess what we do not want to hear.  Thank you... in advance... you all rock.

So, yeah.  I am having some second thoughts... or maybe, 'panicky' thoughts - but I will just push on through.  I will.

AND, I am thinking positive because, well, it's the only way I know how do things! 

Good things have been happening, too!  As you read in my other entries, we are busy with the season and really enjoying it.

Also, I have been really fortunate that my overall soreness level has decreased in my joints!  Yay!  Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis seem to know I have enough to deal with right now, so they need to just shut the heck up!  LOL  The fatigue is there, but anytime the pain is less, it is better, too. 

I can last longer, go farther, do more, yada yada... LOL 

You know... I don't know  if this entry has really made much sense.  I think I  have just rambled and babbled a bit in a circle.  I hope you can make some sense of it!

Just knowing you are all out there... helps.

be well,
Dawn

UPDATE:  If I haven't been to your blog lately... I will try to get there soon... so busy!

22 comments:

toonguykc said...

Sending extra strong good vibes to you and your ma!!

xxx
Russ

sdoscher458 said...

((Dawn)) yeeps you have enough on your plate. I'll keep you, your Mom and family in my prayers too. Stay strong dear...love, Sandi

coelha said...

((((  Dawn  )))))  Keeping you and your mom in my prayers--positive energy your way.  December is a stressful month already--you have a lot on your plate.  Take one day at a time, and know whatever happens, you have a lot of support from many friends who care about you.  Hugs - Julie

sunnyside46 said...

oh, my friend, there is so much going on in your life....I used to wonder if there really was a plan to the cosmos or if things just happened randomly. Then I had an epiphany of sorts....it doesn't matter because whatever happens, you can make something good come of it...the way you do every day of your life.
All is well and all will be well,Dawn...I know this.
Love
Marti

eml625 said...

Dawn, you do what you have to medically. The quicker you find things out the better, whether good , or bad. You will deal with like a trooper,  I know you.

Praying for you and your mom.
hugs and love
Ellen

pharmolo said...

Not an easy time, Dawn, and it's no use me saying "don't fret", because you can't but fret. I really hope your tests turn out favourable results - equally, I hope your mom is OK in spite of the spot on the liver.

Guido
http://journals.aol.co.uk/pharmolo/NorthernTrip

wwfbison said...

Oh sweetie, you are making perfect sense.  My mom went through cancer so I can totally relate to the scary feelings you are having about your mom.  I need my mommy too and I can't tell you the thoughts & terror that went through my mind during (and still do) at that time.  I also understand your apprehension about having all of this happen around Christmas - I don't have any magic words to say that will help you but I am Praying for you and your family.  Your attitude and outlook totally amaze me, you are one tough cookie!!!
hugs to you!
Lisa

tenyearnap said...

Santa should be bringing you something big this year....like a Jaguar or a yacht...cuz you've been VERY good and have gone through a lot this year. (((((DAWN)))))) --Love, Cin

chat2missie said...

Your entry has made lots of sense to me!  If your not having vison problems or dizziness, more than likely your tumor has not grown.  I'll keep your mom in my prayers!
Missie

glensfork4 said...

Always during a waiting period do bad thoughts creep around. I will definately keep you all in my prayers!!!

Michele

swmpgrly said...

try not to think the worst. prayers are coming for both you and your poor mom.
everyone is so busy the last thing they are getting to are thier alerts.

astoriasand said...

It's making sence ok!! and I would feel the same as you Dawn.You ramble on if you like,I am a good listener,I don't mind..Prayers will be  said thousandfold as always for all of you.I hope every appointment goes realy well and not too daunting,for you and  MOM.We all need our Moms and you look after her best you can my girl,when you are able.I needed my Mom yesterday,but sadly I couldn't have her.So enjoy whatever every day we can only hope and pray and know my prayers are with you.Love the graphics.Take Care God Bless Kath
astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES

ekgillen said...

(((HUGS))) and blessings coming your way!!
Gillie

lindaggeorge said...

Yes we are here. Lots of love to you and yours.

Linda x.

martygord said...

Hi Dawn,
I'm praying for the best outcome for you and your mom.  This is a lot to have to deal with during the holidays, you're right.  We're all pulling for you and once this is behind you, you and your family can have a great holiday!
Best,
Marty

mleighin21st said...

Honey you go ahead and ramble and babble all you want.  That's an awful lot to be thinking and worrying about.  Especially at this time of year.  I hope your Mom's feeling better very soon, and I'll send some extra prayers and good thoughts.  
                                       Hugz,  Leigh

thebaabee said...

Dawn,
Ramble all you want to.  I will ramble some prayers.  Hugs, Lu

sangrialel said...

I will say some extra prayers for you and your family Dawn.  It is a rough time of year to have to go through all this.  But we will say some prayers that the new year is going to hold only good news and good things for you and yours.  Linda

sugarsweet056 said...

Prayers being sent up for you my friend.
May God bless you.
Hugs, love, & prayers,
Sug

deshelestraci said...

I hate the panicky feelings.  So glad you mom is doing well.  I'll be praying for your mri.  That you even get out of bed and live normally with a brain tumor is an amazing thing.  I might stay in fetal position for a while!  Like years...
Traci

gazker said...

Fingers crossed for Friday my lovely Princess.
Gaz xxxxx

donejustwrite said...

So this is the entry that I needed to see awhile back...  when I was all wrapped up on my Mitch issues and feeling too blue to log on & join my email buds.  I'm sorry...  I need to remember I'm not the only one who needs e-therapy.  I'm thinking of you, praying for you, and cheering you on!!!