Back tracking some more years through the memory machine, let's talk about pregnancy.
I loved being pregnant.
There is probably not another woman on earth who loved being pregnant more than me. I reveled in it. Glowed? No, I beamed. I loved it all, the good, the bad and the burping. I smiled through every inconvenience, every bizarre twisting of my body, the heartburn, and the deliveries. I still cannot imagine anything in life that compares to carrying and bearing children!
Becoming God's little (did I say, little?) incubator was a defining moment for me in my life. I knew as the first little parasitic being began to grow inside me and began to take over my life, that this was 'it' for me.
What was 'it', you ask? Being a mom, Mother with a capital M, the children's caregiver, teacher, nurse, comforter, confidante, anything and everything that you associate with the word, Mom. It was my destiny and I never knew it until then. I was fulfilled.
It is still the best part of 'me'. If I have to pull out the one thing I am most proud of about myself, it is being Mom. Not a mom, but the Mom. Do you know what I mean? I am happy that I am a wife, a daughter, a friend, a writer, a reader etc., but being Mom truly defines me. It is the thing I am best at, enjoy, and want to succeed at most.
Getting back to pregnancy, I still remember where I was when I first felt each of the kids move inside of me! For Hammer, I was at our, mine and hubby's first apartment. I was home on disability, from complications from the 10th week of pregnancy from placenta previa. I had to stay home and rest to avoid bleeding, which was sporadic on and off, since I conceived. I remember talking to my mom about this flutter feeling, like someone tickling me with a feather from the inside, and she said, "Yes, that's it!". I was so happy, over the moon really, with joy!
From that moment on, the bond I felt was so tremendous, I couldn't imagine loving anything more! Of course, then came Fuzzy. I remember I was at work, and I realized absently that I was scratching back at my belly and then it hit me, duh, it's the baby! Yay! I remember calling my hubby right away, to share it with him, too!
Next, with Pumpkin Muffin I was home on disability, like I was with Hammer's pregnancy, except this time I knew I wouldn't be going back to work, and I had 2 toddlers home with me! I remember the boys and I were sitting in the black leather chair in our family room, one of them on each side of me, and we were watching Nick Jr. I felt the familiar flutter and tried to explain it to the boys. I remember Hammer started to yell at my tummy, "Hello Baby!", and explaining to him that the baby couldn't hear yet, but I would let him know when!
Each pregnancy represents a different stage of my life at the time as well. Being the first time mom, and all the focus being on me and the pregnancy. Second time around, already a mom, working and juggling being pregnant, it was tough to keep all those balls in the air sometimes! Third, and final time, knowing it probably was my last pregnancy, it was so poignant and bittersweet at times, and I truly tried to savor it, yet, 2 toddlers were demanding in their needs as well; it was a baptism into the world of the official SAHM, while being pregnant, and trying to do modified bed rest! Quite tricky, as you can imagine.
All three kids were conceived at different places, all three pregnancies were unique and worlds apart from the other, and I have three unique and amazingly individual children. Even each of their actual births varied drastically, one from the next. Their birth experiences shaped them, it seems ...or at least they fit as a metaphor for their personalites well.
Hammer was a tough pregnancy, with quite few scares and his birth was pretty tough! After a long, exhausting labor of 36 hours, he was wedged in my cervix, and the c-section was like having a freight train back over me, after hitting me the first time during the labor! He has always been a fighter and sometimes, because of his Asperger's there have been difficult times, but just like his pregnancy and birth, always accented with great joys!
Fuzzy's birth went much like his pregnancy, textbook, his scheduled c-section went off without a hitch, and I even called my office while they were sewing me up! Classic middle child, easy going, yearning to please, that's my boy, although, he always makes just enough of a fuss, to be sure to be fully recognized and keep us on our toes!!
Pumpkin Muffin's pregnancy was not the easiest, I had sciatica and bleeding problems throughout. At the end, she never made it to her scheduled c-section date, 10 days earlier, she stopped moving, and luckily I picked up on it. After a mad dash to the hospital, it was determined that my amniotic fluid was drying up, and she barely had much time left. The c-section was quick and harried, but thankfully, she arrived perfect, no worse for the wear, and quite ready to be heard! Oh yeah, she knew from day one, she was the baby and the princess, hear me ROAR!
So, there you have it...more memories and ramblings from the life of Dawn!