For Paul and To Clarify

Paul's comment follows:

<<< I dropped into our local "Country Style" donut shop and tried one of their Polar Toffee Iced Cappucinos the other day. Quite yummy, I must say, previous comments on the topic aside.
  I don't know enough about your daily routine to comment, Dawn. Do you get out and about in the car at all on a day to day basis? Where is the nearest Dunkin Donuts in relation to your home, and your hubby's office? Is there a drive through ATM near you? Does D'n'D have a drive through? What is your husband's view of the situation? Have you asked him? If you asked him, would he answer honestly?
  There are some times that I think my wife asks me to do something, not because she needs me to do that specific thing, but because she feels that I am not doing enough, and wants to send me a message. Is your request to your husband as simple as it's more convenient for him to get the coffees, or is it a veiled message to your husband that you need him to do more for you, whatever that more entails? One of the problems we have in the "battle" of the sexes, is the fact that we speak different languages, men and women. We understand the unspoken messages of other guys, and you understand the unspoken messages of other women, but when we talk to each other, we only hear what is said, not always what is meant. Learning to say exactly what we mean can sometimes be very difficult.
-Paul
http://journals.aol.ca/plittle/AuroraWalkingVacation/

Comment from plittle - 7/18/06 12:29 PM >>

This begs further commentary from me.

I don't always have the car, sometimes I do.  Even on days I do, unless I drive a kid somewhere, or go to the town pool, I rarely go out. 

Today, for instance, I did go out.  The kids and I had lunch at Burger King, we usually do that once a week.  Now, the car will sit the rest of the day.

There is no veiled message of intent. 

Here are thefacts... I have a chronic disease, that I push through each and every day.  I have chronic fatigue and daily pain, that makes my life a trial. 

I do not wish for pity or to whine about these things, but nonetheless, they are there.

In fact, today my left long finger is splinted, swollen and painful.

During the day, the kids are out and about in the neighborhood, and I am 'home base'.  I will not leave them to go get coffee, nor would my husband want me to do so.

By the end of the day, I am usually pushed to my limits, tired and in more pain.  Chronic pain wears you down as the day goes on.  I could take the pain pills, but I don't like to do so because of the kids. 

I have difficulty holding things in my hands, like a tray of coffees, and problems with balance, thanks to the RA and Lupus.

So, no big mystery.   I use the caffeine in the coffee as a natural drug to counteract my fatigue during the day.  It works for me, most of the time. 

I am not asking him to do it as some Mars/Venus dance of idiocy, a 'Battle of the Sexes' thing. 

I just need the coffees and really enjoy them.

The Dunkin Donuts is not a drive thru, unfortunately, we don't have many of those around.  These are older DD's, that have been around since long before the 'drive-thru' was used.  The DD is about 1/2 mile from our house.  It takes 10 minutes roundtrip for hubby to do this at night, less, if he does it on the way home from work, as the DD is on the way.

Yes, I have discussed it with my hubby and he behaves for a few times and then, resumes whining again.  It sucks. 

To me, this seems like such a small thing for my healthy and happy hubby to do.

I hope airing this all out and having him READ it instead of HEAR it, helps.

Thanks for asking, Paul.  Really.  I think it will  help.

be well,
Dawn