Tuesday, September 18, 2007

It's the End of the World

Today was a day.

Up at 5:45am, wake up for work.  Go back to sleep.

Up at 7am, wake kids for school.  Get dressed.  Make 2 lunches, get drinks for breakfast and some sort of breakfast snack for kids.  Let dog out, in, give water and biscuit.

Drink a cup of coffee.  Bring kids to school.  Come back home.  Get Hammer settled for the am.  Straighten bathroom.  Check email.  Drink coffee.

Dad is off for the day, let dad feed dog, go to breakfast at a favorite diner. Go to Linens and Things, return 4 curtain rods for mom.  Get mom credit on back ordered curtains that didn't go through.  Shop.  Get 4 right sized curtain rods, 2 sheers for my living room to add to the two I had already.  Grab a few odds and ends. 

Go to Borders.  Browse.  Get Hammer and myself a book, via gift card.

Go back home.  Drop Hammer off to tackle history lesson via computer.  Back out with dad, to price compare kitchen appliances.  Go to 2 different stores.  Browse, get prices.  Go back home.

Make lunch, fold load of laundry.  Email back and forth with Hubby a bit about some home issues.  Eat lunch.  Preview a spanish program for Hammer to use.  Watch Hammer try it out for a bit. 

Fuzzy and Pumpkin arrive.  Chat about each of their days.  Help Pumpkin with homework.  Review homework.  Bring Hammer to Orthodontist.  Pumpkin and Fuzzy came for 'fun'.  Meanwhile, dad picked up Hubby, so I didn't have to or he didn't have to walk a 1/2 mile.  Drive home.

Check snail mail, read, talk to Hubby.  Eat dinner that dad cooked.  Type and print out Boy Scout flyer for an upcoming trip to see an airshow.   Hubby makes changes.  Reprint.  Head to Staples for Hubby to make color copies (I added a color WWI plane picture).  Pumpkin and Fuzzy are in tow, get Pumpkin a new binder to help her better organize, this takes 30 minutes of browsing and decision making.  Return home.

Change into pj's.  Sit down in a comfy chair for the first time all day.

During the last half of day, from after school on, I negotiated fights and listened to much whining about what my kids wanted, needed, didn't get, wished they had, or what any particular one thought should be done differently.  I was told I was a 'lame' parent.  And, I didn't understand.

Shortly after sitting down in my comfy chair, upon hearing yet ANOTHER complaint, and having yet ANOTHER curve ball thrown at me of some sort, I lost it and started to cry. 

I didn't stop for about an hour, on and off. 

Hammer apologized, confused.

Pumpkin apologized, and wanted to discuss some issues, and tried very hard to make me not upset.

Fuzzy apologized, knowing he hurt me, too, but didn't want to talk.

Hubby - well, I was hoping for an apology, and I may get one, but basically he just let me run out of tears, let the 1/2 of vicodin start to work on my sore EVERYTHING, and waited as I got into the Big Brother finale that I had been waiting to watch.  Then, we watched some other tv, and he fell asleep.

I am overtired.  I am going to go to bed now, probably the first 'real' thing I will do for myself today.

I am frustrated.  I am angry.  I am sad.  I want everyone to be happy.  I do my best to do that in the ways that I can help to achieve it.   Things have not been easy lately.  There have been some financial issues/surprises and snafus.  This year has been horrible healthwise for me and for Hubby. 

Everytime I think the 'bad' stuff is over - bam, something else, some unpleasant surprise (ie; Uncle Larry's passing, money crap), seems to pop up. 

The hardest part is that 'I' cannot control any of it.  As a stay at home mom, my focus is here.  And, yet, even that seems to be a mess at the moment, and I am a loss.

I just hope that tears I am shedding now, will be the last for a while, and tomorrow, will be a new, better, happier day.

be well,
Dawn

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28 comments:

toonguykc said...

You can't expect to go through so much and take care of so many without having a "break" at some point.  At least you didn't start throwing stuff and break dishes.  I've been known to do that.  Recently.  Relax.  You aren't Wonder Woman (well, to me you are).  You're human and we're fragile sometimes.

I love and adore you, Princess!!

always

Russ

tlgf1968 said...

((( BIG HUGS ))) + thinking of you

pharmolo said...

Copy last sentence, Dawn: hope today is a better day.

nightmaremom said...

awww my friend.. you need more 'me' time.  Try and put aside time for you and only you!!   Yeah easier said then done I know but try.
Sending you big hugs
d

eml625 said...

((((((( DAWN ))))))
I am so sorry for all the pain and sadness. Everyone has days like that. You keep doing and doing for everyone else, but when is it your turn? Take some time for youself please, please, please!!!!
Be well today
Ellen

mleighin21st said...

If I was there, I'd do this {{{{Dawn}}}}.  It's good to let those tears out, so have a good cry once in awhile.  Life is so frustrating sometimes, there never seems to be a time to just BE.  Hopefully, today(which is your tomorrow when you wrote this) will be a new, better, happier day for you!  May you find some time to just do for yourself, today.
                                 Blessings,  Leigh

candlejmr said...

Sending you lots of (((hugs))) because sometimes that's all us stay at home mom's really need....a good, filled with love, compassionate HUG.

Your family LOVES you and you are a great wife, mother and daughter.  It's just that sometimes they forget to tell you!!!  

And sometimes, we need to take ONE DAY just for ourselves.  Stay in your pj's, watch tv, play on the computer and RELAX.  If not today....one day SOON!!!!  You need it!!

((hugs))
Jeanne

aniracj said...

Hi Dawn, you have said exactly how I felt just lately; and yes everything goes tickety boo for ages and along comes that damn sledge-hammer to swipe you off your feet again. Please try and get some decent sleep, plus don't try and keep everyone happy as it is only you who ends up feeling like you do....that is my problem as well!!!

chat2missie said...

Hang in there!  You're not alone in how you feel or even what's been going on at home.
Missie

sugarsweet056 said...

Sending you a big hug, just know you're having "one of those days". Keep your chin up!
Hugs,
Sug

klconard1 said...

((((((((((gentle hugs))))))))))))  I'm sorry it was such a tough day.  I would be glued to the bed for a week after one day like this dearheart.  I don't know how you manage to do as much as you do.  I am praying for you.
loving you
karyl

ekgillen said...

((((HUGS))))
You havd a very busy day and anyone one feel overwhelmed with all you are dealing with!!!
Gillie

tendernoggle said...

Sounds to me that you are not taking enough time for YOU.....give yourself a break and know that you are doing the best that you can do...and that is all you can do.
love ya,
carlene

jibaro6543 said...

((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Sending positive thoughts your way---that so many more better days are ahead.
-Ellie

topazscorpio27 said...

Awww.....I"m here if you want to talk.  Sorry you had such a horrible day.  You know what else is good aside from coffee on a bad day?  Chocolate!  I suggest that to you.  Chocolate doesn't solve problems but it makes you feel better.  Also talking to a friend.  You have my e-mail if you need it!  -Dawn-

stillh20z said...

Honey--You're doing a fine job. You're tired and you overextended. I know you already know this, but sometimes it doesn't hurt to hear it again. I wonder if you might not be a tad under-medicated as well? Hmmm. Just a thought. The money stuff? ppffttttt Ya'll will work it out. You are both smart and effective people. I don't worry about that one bit for you.I have absolutely no idea from whence a replacement computer will come? Perhaps outa my hiney? Thin air? HellifIknow! I sometimes think "if I could only catch up before the next big money thing comes up!" It seems I can never sock anything away at all, but I have enough to live, and I guess that's okay for now.


(that hiney comment was for your personal amusement only--hide the children's eyes)

love you to bits,

coelha said...

Your plate is full...  You had a busy day--too much running around.  You need a break!!  Good cry is good, now and then but exhausting.  I hope you were able to sleep in late, and take a mental day off from EVERYTHING!!!  Hugs---you are doing a great job by the way!  Julie :)

wildautumn1 said...

I feel for you - having those days too! Cry it out - it makes everyone stop & think how they are treating you. I would ask for a raise too!!! Hope today is better!

ktkamanski said...

I'm ready for bed - Your day wore me out! Hope your tomorrow brings you reasons to smile - Take care,
Katie

madmanadhd said...

Gawd I was exhausted and felt like crying after reading this post. Seems as though everyone I know is struggling with financial issues. sometimes my love and I wonder if there's a conspiracy with the higher-ups to keeps the peasants (umm that be me) poor, hungry and working so damn hard they don't have time to even THINK about protesting, revolting, or even complaining to anyone other than each other. Well there's another conspiracy theory for you. Here's a bandaid for your heart and sending you good vibes. Wishing you a better tomorrow and the strength to survive today.
Michael

deshelestraci said...

Oh yah, I could have written this on any given day.  We moms are the most complained to, stomped on bunch there is.  Hugs and prayers.  This too shall pass.
Traci

sangrialel said...

Dawn I am so sorry to hear that you had such an awful day.  You are an awesome parent!!  Sometimes the one that love us the most and that we love the most are the ones that can push our buttons the most!!!  Linda

tenyearnap said...

Oh Dawn, that sounds like too much in one day for you and then to be criticized after doing all you can for everyone...well, that just bites. I'd cry, too. I don't know how you manage everything that you do. I can barely manage one child and a husband myself and I don't have your health issues to manage either. I think you are like Wonder Woman! --Cin

demandnlilchit said...

It took me a while to figure out why I cried through my whole vacation....for the first time I began to feel as if I'm becoming a buden on my family...never felt that before.seriously don't like it either! Evyone tells me I am not a burden but I'm stsarting to feel like one. But I do feel better knowing why I cried that whole week and I do feel better for it....my kids mess up and say things they dont mean and then instantly regret it when then see my eyes fill with tears and yours are even younger than mine and they probably don't even know what the word lame means. Your a great Mom dealing with hard issues and you are doung fantastic!!!

donejustwrite said...

Wow...  I was reading everything you did and having happy little thoughts like, "OMGosh, now I'm tired!" but then when I got to the end, I just wanted to cry with you!  You know, I am OK w/me being unhappy and angry, but I don't want my husband or son to be unhappy or angry.  When they are, I feel like I've failed them somehow and that I need to do something to turn their emotions around.  Why is that?  

cvgflydis said...

That's too much for most of us. My day went kinda like that yesterday too. I hope you are feeling better and doin okay.
Angel

randlprysock said...

<<<<Hugs!!>>>>>
Lisa

lurkynat said...

awwww
love ya Dawn..that day sounds action packed!
love,nat