I am in a wistful, thoughtful mood today.
Hadon, whose journal you can visit here,
has been doing essays on "The Courage to be Yourself".
Thought provoking stuff, I suggest you read them if you have not had a good, long, hard look at yourself lately.
Hadon talks about reaching your true potential, being all who you truly are and want or wanted to be.
I have to say, that in my life I feel fulfilled. I truly enjoy being a stay at home mom in ways I never thought I would. I also think that everything happens for a reason and there was actually a point in my life when I thought I would be a physicist. Now, I am homeschooling my son who loves physics, and at 13 understands it on levels that I cannot even come close to getting!
I like the person I am. I think I am a good person. I think I am optimistic and hopeful 95% of the time! I have my 5% of down times, dark times, but they do not last long. They are usually linked to my frustration with my disease or sometimes with my frustration of my husband not getting my disease, (LOL), but they do pass quickly.
I still have dreams, too. I enjoy my writing and would like to write a column for a newspaper and someday publish a book. I have not pushed for these goals yet, because they are secondary to parenting, and right now, the kids get close to all of me.
I wouldn't change that, though. I enjoy being their mom first. I enjoy being here, home with them, all the time. I enjoy being the house on the block where the kids come to play. I really like it.
One of my son Fuzzy's friends often tells me, "You are always smiling and happy, I like that!" I like that, too.
What you read, and see about me, is what you get. No false airs, no false pretenses. Kids aside, my hubby will say that I am too nice, too caring, too cheery, too trusting, too naive, too forgiving. Maybe that is true.
I really don't know how to be any other way.
Sometimes, something happens to shake that, to make me think that I should be different. Harder, more wary, more cynical about people and life.
But, I really don't know how to be any other way than who I am and that would not be me.