Everyone will be happy to know that my head has been located and pulled out from my butt.
I have gotten over my dark mood and my need to scream and rage at the world. I suppose I "got over it" by doing it...so there ya go!
My flare is also starting to subside. I am not 100% but I am better, and for that I will be happy!
A thousand thanks to everyone who was so kind to post comments to me. Thank you for your good wishes and prayers. Thank you for your understanding and validation of my moments of frustration, anger and sadness.
That said, I am going to print someone's comment and comment on it! LOL ;-D
Comment from: hadonfield78
"Do you wish to be a Lump ??
Remember, we cannot expect others to help us, unless we are willing to help ourselves.
What is it you want to acheive ??"
Spoken like a healthy man.
I know you posted this comment only to help, and I truly thank you for that.
BUT, (and I do this for the women in your life, and in case anyone you love develops a chronic illness) you missed the mark of providing any help or comfort. I was really pissed off when I read it!
Don't feel bad, my hubby also has the same effect when on me when things are really tough, and he has known me for 15 years!
1) Of course, I do not want to achieve being a lump. What I want to achieve is to NOT have this disease and I CANNOT have that. You, much like hubby, think I am looking for a "fix" in some way. I am not.
2) You seem to think I want "others to help". I did not ask for help. I do not want or need help. I needed validation. More on that in a minute.
2) Dealing with chronic illness is not like dealing with a "situational illness" or mental illness. This disease is with me forever. I will not have chemo and be cured. I will not have surgery to repair my bad heart, kidneys or liver. I cannot take medicine that will allow me to live a normal life.
I can take medicine to help me cope with my symptoms. I can go for infusions that attack part of the immune system response that triggers symptoms with my disease.
I will still always have the disease. Actually both of them.
I will have bad days and I will have good days and I will have horrible, awful days. I have a lifelong battle ahead of me and sometimes I will get weary as a warrior.
Sometimes, I will need to scream, rant and rage at the world and feel like a lump.
What I need most, is validation that it is okay for me to revisit those feelings.
I need friends and family to pray for me, send good thoughts, and to give me a hug (in person or cyber), and tell me to let it all out and that it will get better again.
It is really simple.
You are sweet and I love your journal, and I hope you do not mind that I have made you an example.
I did think this was an important message to get out there and I know all my friends in the Chronic Illness boat with RA, Lupus, MS, MG, AS, etc. will agree.