Monday, August 1, 2005

Tough Times

There are many of my online friends going through tough times right now.  I won't try to list them because my RA/Lupus fog-ridden brain may forget someone and that would be bad.

Instead, a huge cyber hug is being sent to all of you.

{{{{ hugs, love and kisses}}}}

You have to imagine my nice squishy, chubby, almost 40 body giving it to you...think Roseann from the sitcom days...lol, except I am blonde and cuter!  <grin>

Of course, all this misery has me pondering. 

I am not doing so great either, but I am good at pretending!

My left wrist hurts.  I have been getting the weird arm twitching and funky sensations all weekend.  I have been having trouble swallowing again too, who knows what that means.  My body is overall achy and sore.  I am really fatigued.  Back in the pea soup world again.  I hate it.

I know that I am in this weakened and sore state because I am just not bouncing back from last weeks stress with my dad, and lack of sleep.  Even though he came home last Wednesday and I have had extra sleep and rest since then.

Someone healthy would be fine.  They would be back to normal and happily moving on with no ill effects!  Heck, my dad is in better shape than me at this point!!!

I am frustrated, and angry at my RA that I am not bouncing back to my "normal".  I know that I can't ever have back real normal.  That is a given.  But, my new normal would be nice right now.

Like so many of my friends in pain, I cling to hope.  Sometimes my grip isn't that tight.  It is hard.  It is so very hard.

As I read in a journal today, all we really want is to be understood.  I don't want your pity.  That would be putting the nails in the coffin.  It would make me less human, and I cannot have that.

I will fight.  Today, I may not come out on top, but maybe tomorrow I will. 

As for the answer to that, I will "Let Go and Let God".  I have to surrender that up to Him, because it is beyond my control.  That is where my faith kicks in and carries me through.

Be well everyone,

Dawn

8 comments:

jckfrstross said...

Dawn
   You write so well. so sorry you are not feeling well praying you get better soon. Happy thoughts to you:)

Deb

dornbrau said...

Well, your plate of life is pretty full.  Hope you're feeling better soon.  I remember the days of cronic pain and dreading the thought of going through the rest of my life with it as many do.  Don't know what was wrong with me, or what went better, but I'm fine now (knock on wood!).  Right now my biggest complaint are the stupid mosquito bites I have from the other night crawdadding.

fisherkristina said...

(((Dawn)))  Sorry you aren't doing so well.  I am also really glad you have faith in God to carry you through.

Krissy
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink  

sbrlzc said...

(((((((((((((((Hugs right back at ya!))))))))))))))))))))

~susan

schnozbeary said...

I will fight.  Today, I may not come out on top, but maybe tomorrow I will.

Love this!!! Take care of you!!! Penny

sdoscher458 said...

Dawn I hope that you start to feel better.  I do not know that much about RA/Lupus..I have to read up on it, my Mom has regular arthuritis in her hands and knee so I know how painful that can be. Be better...Sandi http://journals.aol.com/sdsocher458/LifeIsFullOfSurprises

klconard1 said...

Dawn dear, I have thought and written plenty about old 'normals' and the new 'normals'.  Oh how the old normal differs from the current normal lol.  Normal is an ever-shifting position for me -- and certainly for many others with autoimmune diseases.
I am praying you can regain some of what has shifted and have a better normal coming soon!
loving you
karyl

thebaabee said...

Oh Dawn,
Sending cyber hugs right back to you my friend.  {{{{{{{{{{{Dawn}}}}}}}}}}}

I will fight.  Today, I may not come out on top, but maybe tomorrow I will.

I love that statement.  May I use it sometimes.  Because it is exactly the way I feel.  Exactly what I want to think like.

Love you bunches LuAnne

http://journals.aol.com/thebaabee/LUANNESLIFELIVINGWITHLUPUS