Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Open Arms

My friend Helen sent this to me today in an email, and it reminded me of a very funny story.

There used to be this wonderful place called Green Acres Farm about 40 minutes from here (now out of business, condos instead).  It was a family run little treasure that had every farm animal you could imagine, and ran demos such as cow and goat milking, and even let you try it, hands on.

Every spring was magical there!  Baby time!!!  Baby animals of every sort!  The entire place was made up of small pens that you went into and got hands on with the animals.  You could feed them and pet them all that you wanted!

We decided to go, Hubby, myself, and Kathy, with the three kids.  Hammer was aged 5 1/2, Fuzzy, just turned 3, and Pumpkin was in the stroller, and was just over 1 year old. 

We were having a wonderful day, and headed into the pig pen.  Literally!  There was easily a 400 lb sow, and about 20 baby piglets running around this pen! 

The piglets looked just like Wilbur, in Charlotte's Web, or Babe, from the movie.  Truly, they could not have been cuter!!!  Even pinker and smaller than that cute little piglet above!

I stayed outside the pen as it was too muddy, and maneuvering the stroller around it would be too difficult.  Pumpkin was also afraid of the animals up close.  She was happy to wave at them from afar, and giggled while watching her brothers.

Kathy and Hubby went into the pen, each with their own assignment.  Kathy to keep an eye on Hammer, and Hubby to keep an eye on Fuzzy.

I was talking to Pumpkin and pointing to piglets through the chicken wire, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I stood up, and the mom who was standing next to me with her stroller asked, 'Is that your son?'

And, my eyes followed her point to Fuzzy, who was seemingly petting the sow and smiling...

    ...and that is when I saw it.

Fuzzy's little chubby toddler arm was up to the shoulder in the sow's large behind.

Yes, my toddler had gone all porcine proctologist on that pig.

(ps... for those worried about the pig, don't... she never stopped eating or seemed to notice!)

I screamed to Hubby, who couldn't tell from his angle facing the sow, exactly where Fuzzy's arm was located.  Hubby had the typical look, you know the one, the 'oh what is the over-reacting mommy freaking about now' look, until he got there, and saw the location of Fuzzy's arm!

Hubby grabbed Fuzzy up, mumbled 'Sh*t!' (precisely), under his breath, and ran to the men's room, while having Fuzzy lifted up in his left arm, and all the while holding Fuzzy's right arm out and away from his body so it would not contaminate any other part of him!

Kathy came running over with Hammer, and she actually did catch a glimpse of the 'horror', just as Hubby did, too.  I asked her to run to the men's room with some Purell I had in my diaper bag, to further help with the disinfection!

Luckily, we were able to clean and disinfect Fuzzy's arm, and get on with enjoying that day.  Fuzzy had no clue, and our horror, although intense, apparently was well hid, and he didn't develop any fear of pigs or other farm animals!

However, that day, and for many years since, the story of the 'Porcine Proctologist' has brought us a lot of laughs!

In fact, at least once a year, the retelling of the story reduces me, and many of us, to tears of hysterics!

I hope you got a chuckle or two, also!

be well,

Tags: , , , , ,


mleighin21st said...

Ahhh, what a cute story.  These are moments that you can bring up when you want your child(especially a teen) to cooperate.  Oh MOM, the embarrasment!!!  HEHEHE!  I have a few of those, and a 22 year old son!!!

tendernoggle said...

OMG!!!! Lol lol Thank you for this laugh!!!!!!!!!!!! lmao lmao.....The things our kids will do! lol
love ya,

topazscorpio27 said...

I'm sorry but I feel bad for the pig.  I mean that must have been something.  You're stomping around, minding your own and some Fuzzy kid anally violates you!  Question: Does Fuzzy know this story and what's his thoughts?  I mean it's just one of those things but he must not be very amused.  Don't worry Fuzzmiester if you're reading this we all have those moments as kids.  My godson stuck his fingers up the family dog's nose once.  It maybe was worse then a pig's butt.  -Dawn-

gazker said...

LOLOLOLOL, Me thinks you better start saving for vetinary school
Gaz xxxx

cherry2sweet2eat said...


astoriasand said...

ROFL what kids do at times to embarass us is unbelieveable.or make us smile LOL!! The picture above is adorable isn't it just ? We have a local farm as such for kids and I think it is a wonderful idea and the children love it.Ennoy your memories,they are the best. I did this one.Thanx for sharing them.Take Care God Bless Kath
astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/atoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES

toonguykc said...

I hope everybody watched with antibacterial soap when they got home!!  E coli can be spread from places like that.  Just sayin'.


bpslider45 said...

Hi Dawn,
Spent 5 minutes looking for a way to send you an email but no luck.
Could be because it's almost 3AM and even though I am in night shift mode, I'm gettin' dopey.
Just wanted to say thanks for your comments over at Paul's.
It's nice to know someone noticed how hard I was trying not to use mean words.
Lord it was frustrating.
Your support was appreciated.
Hope you are well today and better tomorrow.
Take care,

eml625 said...

Holy crap !!! Hee hee.....THAT is something you do end up telling over and over !!! OMG ! I would have died. How did he manage...well, never mind.

pharmolo said...

Oh sh*t indeed. What ON EARTH did the arm do there? Ever found out? LMBO

nightmaremom said...

OMG!!!  that is funny... or is it?  No doubt it is now.

jlocorriere05 said...

Hi Dawn, Guido sent me over to read your pig story! I bet the pig has retold the story to her friends about the day a little boy visited her pen! Jeannette xx  http://journals.aol.co.uk/jlocorriere05/Welcometomytravels/  

swmpgrly said...

omg LMAO maybe he has a future as a vet.

emabecmar said...

Oh my gosh, lol. ((((((((hugs))))))))

chat2missie said...

OMG!! LOL!!  I don't know what else to say, laughing too hard!

tenyearnap said...

HAHAHAAHAAA...What...no photo? --Cin

deshelestraci said...

Truly that is hilarious!!!  The picture of the child kissing the pig looks just like Bella did when she was little.  yew!

rdautumnsage said...

ROFL! Kids do the damndest things don't they. (Hugs) Indigo

randlprysock said...

Oh my goodness I am so glad Dad reacted fast!!  Hugs,

wbluewoman said...

howls    screams of pure laughter       thanks    i needed that

pam in memphis

coelha said...

Eeeek!!!  Let's just hope Fuzzy doesn't remember any of this... ha ha ha ha ha!!  Another story to tell his future wife one day..  :)  Julie

helmswondermom said...

Oh what a funny story!  I would have been so horrified!

nay0114 said...

NOW that was funny....after the fact anyway. I'm sure you were in horror.
Take care, Chrissie

cacklinrosie101 said...

ROFL..Dear Lord, Dawn, I'm howling.  This sounds like something out of my life.  I just can't even imagine how shocked you were, and I bet Fuzzy loves hearing this story told over and over....hehe  HUGS  Chris

mztishgray0726 said...

I like that story it was hilarious.  Tish G.

ceilisundancer said...

I am cracking up.  Yes, that is hilarious!

lindaggeorge said...

That is so funny, honestly, the things they do!

Linda x.