Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Devil Inside

Yes, I know it could be worse.  Much worse.

Yes, I know that I have to keep a positive attitude.

Yes, I know it could disappear even, stranger things have happened.

Yes, they have the gamma knife, but no, it won't work on my tumor.

Yes, maybe that will change.

Yes, I know all of those things... I am a logical person, and a positive person.

However, I still need a little time to just 'get there'.

My poor parents.... this is just so hard.

My mother fighting tears said, 'I don't want to make this about me.... and it isn't about me, it is about you, but I can't believe I might have to go to my grave worrying about this and never knowing.'

Thankfully, we were leaving for Fuzzy's baseball game or I would have been a mess.

I am a mom, so, I TOTALLY relate and understand what my mom is saying.  <sigh>

This just isn't as easy as we want it to be for any of us.

However, forward I go, we all go, as we must.

Give me a few days and I will be my usualy chipper self!


Fuzzy won his baseball playoff game last night!  6-4!  Yay!  It was a very exciting game, and a good distraction for as long as it lasted! 

Championship Saturday is this week, and we find out later tonight if Fuzzy's team gets a bye straight to championship round, or if they have to play another play off game.

I will let you know!

be well,

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demandnlilchit said...

I truly do know what you are going through....I know with my tumor they aren't even worried about's the cancer cells that they can't see in the brain MRI that they wanted to attack full blast...I have no idea if they are going to try surgery on the small tumor iof it doesn't go away or leave it for a more specialized, targeted zapper for lack of better words! lol  Hand and hand, heart to heart we will walk down this path together....we are all warriors when it comes to times like these...tough chicks!That is what we are!


sdoscher458 said...

(((Dawn))) Lets hope for the best case, I just remember reading somewhere that they had come up with something injectable to shrink tumors in the brain. I know I read that about one year ago, they were testing and proved it with mice already. Maybe they have started human trials? It would be wonderful if they have. I keep you in my prayers, Sandi

coelha said...

(((((((((((((((((((  DAWN  ))))))))))))))))))))  Hang in there--things will get better!!  

tenyearnap said...

You take all the time you need...days, months, whatever. This is a big DEAL. It's a brain tumor! And it is in YOUR head. Yours. That sucks BIG TIME. If you bounce back and forth from your chipper optimistic self to raving lunatic, that's OKAY. Understandable. You are not only are dealing with your own health issues, you are a Mom and that, my friend is enough to keep a woman busy without the added stress of a freaking brain tumor.
Of course, I still want to keep making brain tumor jokes because I'm just a sicko...

A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it`s inoperable - in fact, it`s so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there`s a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a rip-off - how come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"

--Hugs, Cin

sugarsweet056 said...

Just know we are here for you...many of us going through devastating illnesses, we will all stick together.
Just stay strong my sister warrior, keep the faith.
If you need me, I'm here for you. {{{ }}}
Congrats to Fuzzys team...WooHoo!

randlprysock said...

Hang in there my friend.  Prayers and hugs are being sent your way.  Never stop believing in miracles too.  Hugs,

gazker said...

It may mean F all to you at the moment, but we, your J land buds are here for you Dawn. This is the place where you can, laugh, scream, cry and sound off Lady ok? Lean on us, thats, why we are all part of this community!
The biggest hug ever.............Gaz xxxx

deshelestraci said...

I agree that it takes a little while for the whole enchilada to sink in and get settled in your brain as reality.  It is still so scary and so "why me".  And I am certain that in a few days you will be "over" this part of your journey.
Not to diminish your circumstances but I was talking this weekend with the mom of a child who just had a brain tumor removed last Tuesday.  He's six and they only found out about the tumor the Thursday before that.  Her whole attitude was, well it's only cancer.  We will beat this.  Not a biggie.  I kind of wanted her to be in a more scared place but was impressed with her ability to be strong about it.  
Everyone goes through different reactions and none are wrong.

pharmolo said...

We're here, Dawn. Hope you're having a good Hump Day.

nightmaremom said...

Hugs to you my friend.. it's a lot to digest.. take your time we are here for you.

eml625 said...

(((((((( DAWN ))))))))))))))

I feel so bad. I wish I could help in someway.
You have a great support system , here online and in your real world.

cherry2sweet2eat said...

i wish i could make all your stress go away.

helmswondermom said...

Congratulations to Fuzzy on winning the playoff game.  I hope you have a good week.  Keep on hanging in there.

jckfrstross said...

keeping you and family in prayer:)


toonguykc said...

I wish I had the right words...

I don't.

I adore you, Dawn!


wfhbear said...

We wait with you.... Bill

sunnyside46 said...

It's so hard
I don't know what to say except I care

ksgal3133 said...

I'm here for you always and your in my thoughts and prayers. Jland is behind you!


rdautumnsage said...

I would be here for you even if it was to take more than a few days to deal with this. Friends stick around even with the bad. Life has a tendency to knock us off our feet, as if that wasn't enough it doesn't even package inself up neatly for us. But in the end we all soldier on. I could say a world of things here, but I imagine as you said you have already thought of a few of them yourself. I'm here, if you need to talk an email away. Wishing you love and peace! (Hugs) Indigo

klconard1 said...

(((((((((Dawn)))))))))))  this is a lot to wrap your mind around dearheart.  You do not have to be where we all want you to be emotionally on anybody's time table except your own.

Take the time you need.  Let us be here for you and keep us in the loop.  We will be your friends who love you and pray for you and read what you write.  That is our part --- not to tell you how to handle it and make the same suggestions over and over that have already been made and discarded as unworkable.

We all care.  So we will sometimes say the wrong thing just because we care so much.  And thank you for keeping that forgiveness for us coming as needed for anything we write that is irritating or insensitive.
loving you

cacklinrosie101 said...

Dawn, your ability to move on and deal with things just amazes me.  I wish my attitude were as positive when I'm dealing with half of what you are.  Keep a stiff upper lip, as I know you will.  HUGS  Chris

erarein63 said...

Dawn-- No one could blame you for feeling stressed and worried.  Take some me time!  De ;)